[ There's never any rest for them. There's no rest for the weary or for the dead.
Who knows where they are? Any department is the same as another when you're dead. ]
You're close to both Arisato-san and Sanji-san, aren't you?
[ She should have checked up on him on Friday, but things happened. Trying not to get too furious over all the deaths was a thing. Have Taako drop that bomb that may or may not be true was also a thing. ]
[ it all starts to look that way if nothing else, but honestly when she brings up sanji and minako he's surprised. he isn't going to deny it or anything but he'll nod once slowly. ]
I am.
[ he'll look to one of his sleeves for a moment before turning back to shinobu. ]
No, I know you've been trying here. [ And Minako seems the type who'd try to befriend whoever she could, if the other party were receptive to it. ] It's more... they're here. How do you feel?
how he feels... how does he feel? does giyuu even know how to explain how he feels? no, no he does not know how to remotely articulate what he's feeling in the slightest bit. it's why he hasn't said anything about it and kept the same face the entire time.
of course there's emotion sharing that can be used as a cheat but—if he wants to improve then he should find the words himself. he starts off simply, childishly even, with his eyes focused on the ground before them. ]
Disappointed. Angry.
[ there's more here but it's not things that he can vocalize. disappointed in himself and those who killed them. angry with himself and those who decided it was best to hurt them. and, of course— ]
Responsible.
[ guilty, he means. sanji didn't even come from the island but for things to be painted as they were—if he really did get himself into trouble because of his death... it's a weight he bears even if it might not be his to carry. then, of course, minako speaks for herself. ]
My death was used as a reason for others to get killed or be killed.
[ more specifically: yin yu killed. others had died before him and yet, none of them have inspired others to kill in the name of him. rather, none that were made aware. sometimes, being known is a terrible thing.
is this conceited thinking?
he knows this doesn't exactly address minako but he really doesn't want to talk about that. rather, he really doesn't know how to talk about that. ]
Is it that terrible to know that people care for you to that extent?
[ She understands in some way, not wanting to be the start of some cycle of murder, but Shinobu also understands revenge murder. She understands wanting vengeance.
[ he's tired of people dying for him. all it does is add to a feeling of helplessness and guilt that there's only so much he can do on his own. worse of all with these, is that he's not even alive.
seeking vengeance on a demon is not the same as a person, but he knows how complicated that can get rather quickly. there's not to say what he feels about his own murderer should he ever figure out who that person is or what happened. still, giyuu looks to his haori again. ]
I don't want people to be killed because of me.
[ for once, can't he do something for them instead of the other way around? ]
[ Her voice is soft. To have someone die in front of you, to have someone die because of you— She knows now how much more she made that weigh more heavily on his heart and shoulders, how much she made his guilt grow. ]
Emotions are not clean, and they are not easy, but they aren't always bad. They felt connected to you and wanted to do something. It isn't something you wanted, so if you get another chance, tell them that.
[ Hasn't she always told him to use his words more? ]
... I'm not sure what I would have done, if I had not died the same night.
[ This admittance is almost like an afterthought, as sincere and honest as it is. ]
[ is it a good thing that he has another chance to tell them how grateful he was for their actions? it seems wrong but also she has a point. it's just a matter of being able to find the words of what he wants to say.
though, there is one thing that he knows he can say in this situation. ]
I know what I would have done if I did not die that night.
[ it's been obvious this whole time, right? the lengths that he pushes himself to in order to do everything that he can? despite being the idiot that he's aware of—she saw the memory of when dimitri ended her life before him. she felt the anger that he experienced. ]
[ She remembers, and her lips curve into a wry smile. Those unexpected emotions of his after her death—she's still not sure how she wants to process that. She knows what they mean, but she doesn't want to think too deeply on it.
He's known she'd been dead from the start. ]
Is it so different from what Yasusada-san did?
[ Perhaps the reasoning isn't quite the same, but on the surface, it's because someone was murdered. She can't say Giyuu shouldn't without being at least a little bit of a hypocrite.
After all, while her desire to save people is genuine, so is her desire for revenge. ]
[ it's probably best that she doesn't think about it very hard as he doesn't try to focus on it either. it's a fool's hope and something that even he recognizes being an idiot for, but it doesn't change how he views their situation. not that their situation has changed since coming arriving to the island...
...and since this is before he spoke to yams or sanji about their true intentions about why the did what they did, he only has what he heard to go off of. granted, the knowledge that he learns doesn't exactly help with anything in relation to the point that's being made. ]
No, it isn't.
[ especially considering he wouldn't care about whether he was caught for the crime or not. ]
[ Maybe it isn't quite fair for her to draw this analogy for him. Things aren't quite the same between these scenarios. Whatever true intentions there are or otherwise, she still wants to make a point.
Emotions are rational, so it's not necessarily wrong for him to feel the way he does, but that doesn't mean he isn't also being a little stupid. ]
[ and because it wouldn't be right for giyuu to understand where shinobu is coming from for the entirety of the conversation— ]
Responsible for what?
[ giyuu isn't sure and he can't think of what else she could be responsible for.
is she referring to how she killed someone? is that it? it doesn't seem to fit into what they're talking about, but giyuu isn't the best at understanding things in the first place. he makes progress in areas but clearly lacks in others. at least, he has started to become increasingly aware of everything. his words, others, his actions...
but, unsurprisingly, he still doesn't get it all just yet. the pieces are there, he just has to put it all together. ]
[ Baby steps are better than no steps, but it doesn't take much to connect one dot to another here.
Still, her voice is gentle and patient as she explains. ]
If you had not lost your life and if I had lost my life to someone, and you found out with certainty who it was and took their life in your anger and grief, is that something I should feel responsible for?
[ What she would actually feel is irrelevant. It's a point she has to make. It's something that Giyuu has to realize that even if his feelings are understandable and even if they aren't completely invalid, he has to consider matters on a bigger scope. He needs to be less myopic.
He should think of himself, but he should also think of others. ]
he really doesn't like that scenario. strangely, though, the one they find themselves in is vastly preferred to the one she brings up. sure he might have had the satisfaction of killing the person who killed her, but like this...
well, he doesn't get that far because he thinks over her words and while the exact connections elude him, there's something that he can say right away. it lines up along with everything else he has been saying about shinobu to others. ]
I can't tell you how to feel, Kocho.
[ shinobu is her own person. he has no control over what she feels or what she wants to do. ]
[ This isn't quite where she thought he'd connect the dots, but she can work with it.
Or she'll just leave and let him think on it for a week and maybe he'll figure it out on his own. ]
No, you can't. I am not saying you can't feel responsible for what you know now, but in this hypothetical situation, do you think I should feel guilty if you killed in revenge?
[ It's not a lesson in what he should or shouldn't feel. It's a lesson in how others have feelings, too.
If everyone is their own person, he can maybe connect more dots. ]
[ truth be told, giyuu will circle back around to the thought that he has no say in how she feels. even if she calls it a hypothetical situation, he can't imagine giving any other question. he can't control her thoughts or her feelings.
....is that the answer? he doesn't think it's the answer but—should she feel guilty for him killing in revenge? ]
No.
[ despite it being a statement he says it more as a question since he still isn't entirely certain. what he can say for certain, however is that if there should be anyone who should be responsible for what they do then it's that person. ]
They are my actions.
[ even though giyuu is more than aware of a situation where he has sworn to commit seppuku should nezuko eat anyone. (unlikely at this point.) ]
Or can he extrapolate from her very obvious "hypothetical situation"? Even if Sanji and Yasusada's reasons weren't just revenge or even if they were, the writing is on the wall.
(The situation with Nezuko is different. The context is different.) ]
give himself a moment before finally connecting the dots? sort of? there's always some sort of disconnect between what others do and what he does. now, whether that comes from giyuu's own emotional immaturity or just from the fact that it just doesn't occur to him, we'll never know.
( it's because of his years of neglecting to think of himself as a person worth knowing. ) ]
You don't think I should feel guilty for what they did.
[ it sounds...weird? foreign. ]
I shouldn't be held responsible for what Sanji and Yasusada decided to do.
[ That's almost right. It's a little more than half right. She'll take it. ]
No. I didn't say you couldn't feel guilty. Your feelings are your own, and just as you said your actions are your own, so are theirs.
Your emotions are your own, and so are theirs, but we are connected. The more you connect to someone, the more you can affect and influence them. At the end of the day, everyone is still their own person, who makes their own choices.
[ thank you shinobu for feeding him the last little bit. though when she frames it that way he can't help but frown at the idea of it because when she puts it that way, it's so very clear and obvious to him?
...
moderately clear.
but it does, at the very least, dig up memories of past experiences that can be contextualized to make sense. or, well, to the best of his ability to do such a thing in regards to the matters of things like this... not that it's easy to do.. ]
Thank you, Kocho.
[ giyuu now even more homework in understanding emotions to do. ]
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Re: wk 4; sunday
Who knows where they are? Any department is the same as another when you're dead. ]
You're close to both Arisato-san and Sanji-san, aren't you?
[ She should have checked up on him on Friday, but things happened. Trying not to get too furious over all the deaths was a thing. Have Taako drop that bomb that may or may not be true was also a thing. ]
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I am.
[ he'll look to one of his sleeves for a moment before turning back to shinobu. ]
Is it a surprise to you?
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No, I know you've been trying here. [ And Minako seems the type who'd try to befriend whoever she could, if the other party were receptive to it. ] It's more... they're here. How do you feel?
[ She won't force the emotionshare. ]
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how he feels... how does he feel? does giyuu even know how to explain how he feels? no, no he does not know how to remotely articulate what he's feeling in the slightest bit. it's why he hasn't said anything about it and kept the same face the entire time.
of course there's emotion sharing that can be used as a cheat but—if he wants to improve then he should find the words himself. he starts off simply, childishly even, with his eyes focused on the ground before them. ]
Disappointed. Angry.
[ there's more here but it's not things that he can vocalize. disappointed in himself and those who killed them. angry with himself and those who decided it was best to hurt them. and, of course— ]
Responsible.
[ guilty, he means. sanji didn't even come from the island but for things to be painted as they were—if he really did get himself into trouble because of his death... it's a weight he bears even if it might not be his to carry. then, of course, minako speaks for herself. ]
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[ What exactly is he blaming himself for? She heard the reasons Yasusada said during trial, but it's something beyond his control.
For what reason does he feel responsible for when it comes to Minako? ]
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[ more specifically: yin yu killed. others had died before him and yet, none of them have inspired others to kill in the name of him. rather, none that were made aware. sometimes, being known is a terrible thing.
is this conceited thinking?
he knows this doesn't exactly address minako but he really doesn't want to talk about that. rather, he really doesn't know how to talk about that. ]
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[ She understands in some way, not wanting to be the start of some cycle of murder, but Shinobu also understands revenge murder. She understands wanting vengeance.
Hadn't that been half her reason for living? ]
But people's choices remain their own.
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seeking vengeance on a demon is not the same as a person, but he knows how complicated that can get rather quickly. there's not to say what he feels about his own murderer should he ever figure out who that person is or what happened. still, giyuu looks to his haori again. ]
I don't want people to be killed because of me.
[ for once, can't he do something for them instead of the other way around? ]
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[ Her voice is soft. To have someone die in front of you, to have someone die because of you— She knows now how much more she made that weigh more heavily on his heart and shoulders, how much she made his guilt grow. ]
Emotions are not clean, and they are not easy, but they aren't always bad. They felt connected to you and wanted to do something. It isn't something you wanted, so if you get another chance, tell them that.
[ Hasn't she always told him to use his words more? ]
... I'm not sure what I would have done, if I had not died the same night.
[ This admittance is almost like an afterthought, as sincere and honest as it is. ]
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though, there is one thing that he knows he can say in this situation. ]
I know what I would have done if I did not die that night.
[ it's been obvious this whole time, right? the lengths that he pushes himself to in order to do everything that he can? despite being the idiot that he's aware of—she saw the memory of when dimitri ended her life before him. she felt the anger that he experienced. ]
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He's known she'd been dead from the start. ]
Is it so different from what Yasusada-san did?
[ Perhaps the reasoning isn't quite the same, but on the surface, it's because someone was murdered. She can't say Giyuu shouldn't without being at least a little bit of a hypocrite.
After all, while her desire to save people is genuine, so is her desire for revenge. ]
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...and since this is before he spoke to yams or sanji about their true intentions about why the did what they did, he only has what he heard to go off of. granted, the knowledge that he learns doesn't exactly help with anything in relation to the point that's being made. ]
No, it isn't.
[ especially considering he wouldn't care about whether he was caught for the crime or not. ]
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Should I feel responsible, then, in that case?
[ Maybe it isn't quite fair for her to draw this analogy for him. Things aren't quite the same between these scenarios. Whatever true intentions there are or otherwise, she still wants to make a point.
Emotions are rational, so it's not necessarily wrong for him to feel the way he does, but that doesn't mean he isn't also being a little stupid. ]
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Responsible for what?
[ giyuu isn't sure and he can't think of what else she could be responsible for.
is she referring to how she killed someone? is that it? it doesn't seem to fit into what they're talking about, but giyuu isn't the best at understanding things in the first place. he makes progress in areas but clearly lacks in others. at least, he has started to become increasingly aware of everything. his words, others, his actions...
but, unsurprisingly, he still doesn't get it all just yet. the pieces are there, he just has to put it all together. ]
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Still, her voice is gentle and patient as she explains. ]
If you had not lost your life and if I had lost my life to someone, and you found out with certainty who it was and took their life in your anger and grief, is that something I should feel responsible for?
[ What she would actually feel is irrelevant. It's a point she has to make. It's something that Giyuu has to realize that even if his feelings are understandable and even if they aren't completely invalid, he has to consider matters on a bigger scope. He needs to be less myopic.
He should think of himself, but he should also think of others. ]
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he really doesn't like that scenario. strangely, though, the one they find themselves in is vastly preferred to the one she brings up. sure he might have had the satisfaction of killing the person who killed her, but like this...
well, he doesn't get that far because he thinks over her words and while the exact connections elude him, there's something that he can say right away. it lines up along with everything else he has been saying about shinobu to others. ]
I can't tell you how to feel, Kocho.
[ shinobu is her own person. he has no control over what she feels or what she wants to do. ]
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Or she'll just leave and let him think on it for a week and maybe he'll figure it out on his own. ]
No, you can't. I am not saying you can't feel responsible for what you know now, but in this hypothetical situation, do you think I should feel guilty if you killed in revenge?
[ It's not a lesson in what he should or shouldn't feel. It's a lesson in how others have feelings, too.
If everyone is their own person, he can maybe connect more dots. ]
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....is that the answer? he doesn't think it's the answer but—should she feel guilty for him killing in revenge? ]
No.
[ despite it being a statement he says it more as a question since he still isn't entirely certain. what he can say for certain, however is that if there should be anyone who should be responsible for what they do then it's that person. ]
They are my actions.
[ even though giyuu is more than aware of a situation where he has sworn to commit seppuku should nezuko eat anyone. (unlikely at this point.) ]
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[ Does she have to spell it out for him?
Or can he extrapolate from her very obvious "hypothetical situation"? Even if Sanji and Yasusada's reasons weren't just revenge or even if they were, the writing is on the wall.
(The situation with Nezuko is different. The context is different.) ]
no subject
give himself a moment before finally connecting the dots? sort of? there's always some sort of disconnect between what others do and what he does. now, whether that comes from giyuu's own emotional immaturity or just from the fact that it just doesn't occur to him, we'll never know.
( it's because of his years of neglecting to think of himself as a person worth knowing. ) ]
You don't think I should feel guilty for what they did.
[ it sounds...weird? foreign. ]
I shouldn't be held responsible for what Sanji and Yasusada decided to do.
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No. I didn't say you couldn't feel guilty. Your feelings are your own, and just as you said your actions are your own, so are theirs.
Your emotions are your own, and so are theirs, but we are connected. The more you connect to someone, the more you can affect and influence them. At the end of the day, everyone is still their own person, who makes their own choices.
[ It's not like he manipulated any of them. ]
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...
moderately clear.
but it does, at the very least, dig up memories of past experiences that can be contextualized to make sense. or, well, to the best of his ability to do such a thing in regards to the matters of things like this... not that it's easy to do.. ]
Thank you, Kocho.
[ giyuu now even more homework in understanding emotions to do. ]
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She tilts her head to the side, and her smile is curious. ]
I'm not sure how much you truly understand, but at least you aren't ignoring what I'm saying.
[ For now, at least. Who knows if his homework will earn him a passing or failing grade? ]