[He's quiet for a little while, walking slowly as he tries to figure out how best to explain himself.
Was it unexpected? Not from Flayn, not entirely. That's who he'd been thinking of, when he asked Shinobu if he'd killed Yu. He had, in fact, spoken to Yin Yu about Flayn holding a killing role just the other day. But he certainly hadn't expected her to confess that she'd been involved in Sanji's death.
Tonbokiri was more of a surprise--though even Yasusada, for all that he won't admit to it out loud, had considered Tonbokiri as one of Giyuu's potential killers. But since his decision to kill hadn't actually had anything to do with revenge, Tonbokiri was never going to be on their list of targets.]
I'm not upset with them for what they had to do. [How ridiculous would that be, a sword being upset over the necessity of death? Especially when he, too, bloodied his hands right beside them. It has nothing to do with the fact that they'd killed.] But Tonbokiri-san... he didn't trust me.
[Which sounds so simple, when he puts it like that. He presses his lips together, looking back up at the castle as they walk along its grounds.]
In this place, I was tied to another person. Rapunzel-kun. The night before I was executed here, she came to me, and told me everything she knew. She didn't have a role, and the person she was working with didn't either, but they'd worked with people who did. And here, Sanji-kun... he couldn't tell me about his role, but he still asked for my help. He did what he could. But Tonbokiri-san didn't speak to me at all.
[So even though those who'd come forward had insisted they couldn't say anything, it rings hollow, to Yasusada. Surely, if they'd wanted to, they could've found a way? Surely there was something?
At the castle, he'd been given tangible proof that others were making progress. Here, he'd received nothing but promises that felt exceedingly empty as the weeks passed by with no discernible change, and no one willing to consider that maybe, the rules couldn't be broken, and they would have to play the game as intended. Is it any wonder, then, that he'd chosen to follow the one person who saw him as an ally, who wanted to utilize his abilities and determination? Who gave him some way to work towards his goal of saving Okita? Who trusted him?
Yasusada is not good at being human, because he doesn't try to be one. He is a sword, and proud of it. And he'd served at the side of the first captain of the Shinsengumi, a talented, intelligent man who'd relied on him time and again, and taught him so, so much in return. Thinking that he could trust one of the only other tsukumogami in this place, only to find out he'd seemed too unreliable to count on... it isn't a nice feeling.
I will be honest: I would feel no sadness or regret if Tonbokiri met his death right now.
[ The lack of honorific is on purpose. She's going to put that out there, full honesty that she wouldn't mind running her sword through him, before she moves forward with what she says next. ]
I do not know him at all. [ Only that what she hears from him and the evidence he's left behind makes him seem disingenuous to her, moreso than his partner in murder Taako who lies so often but has been more straightforward about his intentions. ] So I cannot say what's consistent to his character, but I did my best to lead people to figuring out my own murder whenever they came asking.
[ When asked how she thought Yu's murder went, she was truthful. Did she think the bear was part of it? No, the bear was an accident, something after the fact that Shinobu had no clue about until trial. Was Ogata intentionally framed for Yu's murder? It certainly looked that way, didn't it? It wasn't the original intention, but that's how it ended up, and she wasn't going to refute the reality of the situation. ]
If he did not try at all to say anything at all, that is on him. I can't say it isn't. You're not wrong to feel upset, especially if you trusted him.
[It's notable, how he doesn't immediately come to Tonbokiri's defense. But then--how could he?
He sighs. It's a very tired sound.]
I don't think Tonbokiri-san would've let such a responsibility be forced on someone else, if he could help it. [Yasusada would like to think that that's the only reason Tonbokiri tried to cover his tracks, but it hurts, that he can't say for sure. Even so...] It's something that had to be done, wasn't it? To protect everyone else. Of course I'd understand that. So why... [Why hadn't Tonbokiri asked for his help in any way?
Yasusada's never going to see these killings as "murder", nor does he see "murder" the same way humans do. To him, it's just a necessity, and no one "deserves" to die any more or less than anyone else--despite his fervent loyalty to Okita, that's truly how he feels. Nor does a capacity to kill have any bearing on someone's moral character, as far as Yasusada is concerned. It's why he was able to forgive Magnus so quickly, but not Taako.
He's well aware that the views of a weapon are different, and Tonbokiri must be, too. It hurts more, coming from him; Ookurikara, at least, had made it clear from the start that his allegiance was with Lili.
As for why Tonbokiri chose the targets he did, why he killed in the ways that he did--those, Yasusada has no answers for. He can't imagine killing in any way beyond how he was meant to. He'd been terribly offended at the wild accusations thrown at him during his last trial--couldn't they tell his character from Yin Yu's body alone?
They've reached the wishing well. Yasusada stops in front of it, staring at it with a distant, dejected look in his eyes. His grip on her hand tightens, before he speaks again.]
Did you know, Kocho-kun, that the castle rewarded people who killed?
[ There's covering tracks, and there's using someone's own weapon against them when the Camp Store is available and the guns had to come from somewhere, didn't they? (She knows where the guns came from.) It's not the trying not to get caught that bothers her the most. It's the how. It's not like she can judge killing to save and elongate this farce of a competition for the others to find a way to make it to the end when she did it, too. She would've continued. She had made the decision to continue once, but the what ifs and what ended up happening are just that. ]
That's something you'll have to ask him once you see him again. Why?
[ If they get to see the living again. There is one team left standing now, but what comes next?
She sighs, too, a quiet release of air that's more frustrated than anything. Either way, Yasusada is the one whose feelings she wants to focus on, to hear and to listen, and to help. He has only been straightforward and honest in the way he knows how to be, truly the spirit of a sword. It's why she doesn't hold his murder against him much, even if she doesn't know the true reasons for it.
She squeezes his hand back in reassurance. She's here. ]
I didn't. What was the reward? What was the incentive?
[ Does she know what a wishing well is? She knows what a well is. ]
[The methods of killing, the reasoning, the logistics--Yasusada can't even begin to explain any of that. This whole place functions in a way so antithetical to their core values that he can't even begin to imagine what he himself would've done in such a position, let alone what someone else, even a fellow tsukumogami, might do.
(Truthfully, he knows, the easiest way to cover his tracks would've simply been the use of a gun. But even forced into a situation where he couldn't use his own blade, he'd never choose something so cold and impersonal.)
With his free hand, he gestures to well.]
This is something called a "wishing well". We were given tokens that we could use to make wishes. All of us were given one, but you could--earn more, if you killed.
[And if you completed your objectives, which Yasusada didn't do either--but he doesn't feel the need to specify. It all falls under the same umbrella of "choosing the play the game".]
The one we got, if we made a wish with it, it wasn't granted properly. [He knows this intimately well, because--] Okita-kun wished for Kiyomitsu, my partner. That's his other sword. He didn't tell me that, but I know, because my wish was for Okita-kun's wish to be granted... and I received one of Kiyomitsu's broken shards. It was no different from sending me his head.
[Which was horrific, all on its own.]
But I found out after I died that if you killed someone, and made a wish using the token you earned from that, it was granted properly.
[And he was supremely unhappy about it, given that it was actions of the two people he hated most in the castle that led to him learning about this in the first place.]
[ She gently squeezes his hand again when he says that getting a shard was no different from being sent his head. Slowly, she is understanding swords more between Yasusada and Tsurumaru. Her morals and beliefs cannot fully align with a sword's, but there is enough similar even for all their differences that she won't judge them in the way she does demons. She wonders, if circumstances were different, would she have seen them as too similar to demons?
It's a harrowing thought. ]
That would be an alluring incentive for some, especially after seeing wishes granted in such a gruesome and distorted way.
[ For those who view killing as something different than she does, she can imagine how quick they'd take to it. ]
Would you have taken up your blade sooner, if you knew before you died back then?
[For what it's worth, Yasusada wouldn't expect that of a human anyway. For all that Okita believed himself to be no different from a sword, and for all that Yasusada views him as a perfect warrior--he is, and always was, painfully human.
But Shinobu tries, and has always been patient with him. That's what matters the most, to him.]
...I don't know. [He has to be honest. He can't say for sure, since that wasn't what happened. He hesitates, looking down.] But I don't think so. Tora-kun told me it would be better if he was alive and angry with me, that it was important to kill before being killed, but... Okita-kun asked me not to.
[And Okita is his master in the truest sense of the word. He will always take Okita's orders above everyone else's, even his own thoughts and desires.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Was it unexpected? Not from Flayn, not entirely. That's who he'd been thinking of, when he asked Shinobu if he'd killed Yu. He had, in fact, spoken to Yin Yu about Flayn holding a killing role just the other day. But he certainly hadn't expected her to confess that she'd been involved in Sanji's death.
Tonbokiri was more of a surprise--though even Yasusada, for all that he won't admit to it out loud, had considered Tonbokiri as one of Giyuu's potential killers. But since his decision to kill hadn't actually had anything to do with revenge, Tonbokiri was never going to be on their list of targets.]
I'm not upset with them for what they had to do. [How ridiculous would that be, a sword being upset over the necessity of death? Especially when he, too, bloodied his hands right beside them. It has nothing to do with the fact that they'd killed.] But Tonbokiri-san... he didn't trust me.
[Which sounds so simple, when he puts it like that. He presses his lips together, looking back up at the castle as they walk along its grounds.]
In this place, I was tied to another person. Rapunzel-kun. The night before I was executed here, she came to me, and told me everything she knew. She didn't have a role, and the person she was working with didn't either, but they'd worked with people who did. And here, Sanji-kun... he couldn't tell me about his role, but he still asked for my help. He did what he could. But Tonbokiri-san didn't speak to me at all.
[So even though those who'd come forward had insisted they couldn't say anything, it rings hollow, to Yasusada. Surely, if they'd wanted to, they could've found a way? Surely there was something?
At the castle, he'd been given tangible proof that others were making progress. Here, he'd received nothing but promises that felt exceedingly empty as the weeks passed by with no discernible change, and no one willing to consider that maybe, the rules couldn't be broken, and they would have to play the game as intended. Is it any wonder, then, that he'd chosen to follow the one person who saw him as an ally, who wanted to utilize his abilities and determination? Who gave him some way to work towards his goal of saving Okita? Who trusted him?
Yasusada is not good at being human, because he doesn't try to be one. He is a sword, and proud of it. And he'd served at the side of the first captain of the Shinsengumi, a talented, intelligent man who'd relied on him time and again, and taught him so, so much in return. Thinking that he could trust one of the only other tsukumogami in this place, only to find out he'd seemed too unreliable to count on... it isn't a nice feeling.
And Flayn--hah. That's a whole separate mess.]
no subject
[ The lack of honorific is on purpose. She's going to put that out there, full honesty that she wouldn't mind running her sword through him, before she moves forward with what she says next. ]
I do not know him at all. [ Only that what she hears from him and the evidence he's left behind makes him seem disingenuous to her, moreso than his partner in murder Taako who lies so often but has been more straightforward about his intentions. ] So I cannot say what's consistent to his character, but I did my best to lead people to figuring out my own murder whenever they came asking.
[ When asked how she thought Yu's murder went, she was truthful. Did she think the bear was part of it? No, the bear was an accident, something after the fact that Shinobu had no clue about until trial. Was Ogata intentionally framed for Yu's murder? It certainly looked that way, didn't it? It wasn't the original intention, but that's how it ended up, and she wasn't going to refute the reality of the situation. ]
If he did not try at all to say anything at all, that is on him. I can't say it isn't. You're not wrong to feel upset, especially if you trusted him.
no subject
He sighs. It's a very tired sound.]
I don't think Tonbokiri-san would've let such a responsibility be forced on someone else, if he could help it. [Yasusada would like to think that that's the only reason Tonbokiri tried to cover his tracks, but it hurts, that he can't say for sure. Even so...] It's something that had to be done, wasn't it? To protect everyone else. Of course I'd understand that. So why... [Why hadn't Tonbokiri asked for his help in any way?
Yasusada's never going to see these killings as "murder", nor does he see "murder" the same way humans do. To him, it's just a necessity, and no one "deserves" to die any more or less than anyone else--despite his fervent loyalty to Okita, that's truly how he feels. Nor does a capacity to kill have any bearing on someone's moral character, as far as Yasusada is concerned. It's why he was able to forgive Magnus so quickly, but not Taako.
He's well aware that the views of a weapon are different, and Tonbokiri must be, too. It hurts more, coming from him; Ookurikara, at least, had made it clear from the start that his allegiance was with Lili.
As for why Tonbokiri chose the targets he did, why he killed in the ways that he did--those, Yasusada has no answers for. He can't imagine killing in any way beyond how he was meant to. He'd been terribly offended at the wild accusations thrown at him during his last trial--couldn't they tell his character from Yin Yu's body alone?
They've reached the wishing well. Yasusada stops in front of it, staring at it with a distant, dejected look in his eyes. His grip on her hand tightens, before he speaks again.]
Did you know, Kocho-kun, that the castle rewarded people who killed?
no subject
That's something you'll have to ask him once you see him again. Why?
[ If they get to see the living again. There is one team left standing now, but what comes next?
She sighs, too, a quiet release of air that's more frustrated than anything. Either way, Yasusada is the one whose feelings she wants to focus on, to hear and to listen, and to help. He has only been straightforward and honest in the way he knows how to be, truly the spirit of a sword. It's why she doesn't hold his murder against him much, even if she doesn't know the true reasons for it.
She squeezes his hand back in reassurance. She's here. ]
I didn't. What was the reward? What was the incentive?
[ Does she know what a wishing well is? She knows what a well is. ]
no subject
(Truthfully, he knows, the easiest way to cover his tracks would've simply been the use of a gun. But even forced into a situation where he couldn't use his own blade, he'd never choose something so cold and impersonal.)
With his free hand, he gestures to well.]
This is something called a "wishing well". We were given tokens that we could use to make wishes. All of us were given one, but you could--earn more, if you killed.
[And if you completed your objectives, which Yasusada didn't do either--but he doesn't feel the need to specify. It all falls under the same umbrella of "choosing the play the game".]
The one we got, if we made a wish with it, it wasn't granted properly. [He knows this intimately well, because--] Okita-kun wished for Kiyomitsu, my partner. That's his other sword. He didn't tell me that, but I know, because my wish was for Okita-kun's wish to be granted... and I received one of Kiyomitsu's broken shards. It was no different from sending me his head.
[Which was horrific, all on its own.]
But I found out after I died that if you killed someone, and made a wish using the token you earned from that, it was granted properly.
[And he was supremely unhappy about it, given that it was actions of the two people he hated most in the castle that led to him learning about this in the first place.]
no subject
It's a harrowing thought. ]
That would be an alluring incentive for some, especially after seeing wishes granted in such a gruesome and distorted way.
[ For those who view killing as something different than she does, she can imagine how quick they'd take to it. ]
Would you have taken up your blade sooner, if you knew before you died back then?
[ She thinks she knows the answer. ]
no subject
But Shinobu tries, and has always been patient with him. That's what matters the most, to him.]
...I don't know. [He has to be honest. He can't say for sure, since that wasn't what happened. He hesitates, looking down.] But I don't think so. Tora-kun told me it would be better if he was alive and angry with me, that it was important to kill before being killed, but... Okita-kun asked me not to.
[And Okita is his master in the truest sense of the word. He will always take Okita's orders above everyone else's, even his own thoughts and desires.]
no subject
Okita-san sounds like a remarkable person. I think I'd like to meet him, if we can manage to wake him in the end.
[ For Yasusada to have this much devotion, and for him to tell his sword to not do what a sword is made to do—
Doesn't that take someone of strong character? ]
You truly are his sword.